There’s weird, and then there’s Florida weird, as in the craziest, most WTF things that happened in Florida this year. Reading the Florida news section is like opening a can of hilarious worms. This list contains the weirdest, most insane moments from Florida in 2014. How many “Florida Men” are there in this state anyway? And why are so many of them exposing themselves or inexplicably covered in tar? “Florida Man,” “Florida Woman,” “Florida Teen,” and even “Florida Manatee Who’s Exhausted By Sex” all struck in 2014.
Hilarious police reports from Florida surround men and women who plan the crappiest robberies of all time. In fact, one of the guys on this list couldn’t even stay awake while burglarizing. Another weird Florida criminal got distracted by kittens when running from the cops, while another man fleeing authority literally ran into the police academy. Enjoy these crazy news pieces out of the Sunshine State that won’t just make you question the state of Florida, but also the state of humanity itself.
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Incorrect Miss Florida Gets Crown
WTF, Miss Florida? After a scoring error, the wrong pageant queen got the Florida crown. We knew Floridian election officials couldn't count hanging chads in the 2000, but who knew the Miss Florida pageant people were so dumb they couldn't even score their horrendous event correctly.
Source: Tampa Bay Times
Couple Makes Out in Back of Cop Car
Seminole County's own Melissa Schneider and Johnathan Kokontis need to get a room or something. The lovely Florida couple was attempting to rob some cars and homes when they got caught and put in a police cruiser. The stripper (yes, she's a stripper) and her boyfriend hooked up in the car so that she could pass her earring to him and he could break free from the handcuffs.
Source: Huffington Post
Barbershop Turns Out to Be Underage Strip Club
This year, a Florida resort was concealing a military base while a Florida barbershop was concealing an illegal strip club. At this salon, you could get your hair cut by day and, by night, be entering a strip club full of underage women. The police shut this place down, proving once again that nothing in this state is what it seems.
Source: WESH Orlando
Clerk Puts Thousands of Bucks in Her Bra
A lady in Florida, who must have had double-double-double D bras, thought it was a good idea to steal $4,500 from the Circle K cash register. Her plan was to put that cash in her bra. It worked so well that it landed her a spot in the Hernando County Detention Center.
Source: Tampa Bay Times
Traffic Law Violator Claims She's From Imaginary Country
In the worst excuse to get out of a fine in the history of humankind, 32-year-old Janine McCune claimed to be "Moorish" and cited "diplomatic immunity" from traffic violations. Unfortunately, the Florida police who found her speeding while chatting on her phone did not agree.
Source: Raw Story
Robbers Take Baby Pig From High School
A Central Florida high school was robbed in September. But, as the video shows, the only victim was a baby pig. A 19-year-old and 20-year-old were charged with, wait for it, grand theft of a farm animal! Reminder, this is 2014 and in freaking Florida. The baby pig was returned unharmed.
Source: My Fox Tampa Bay
Employee Gets Gun to Head for Hamburgers
Dechazo Harris pulled up to a Checkers drive-thru, placed an order, and pulled up to the window. It was then he decided he'd like to order more, but they said he'd have to drive back around, to which he replied (gun in hand), "Give me a hamburger or I'll shoot you." Who knows what he'd do for a Klondike bar if he was willing to do this for just a Checkers burger.
Source: Sun Sentinel
Girlfriend Sends Prisoner Laced Love Letter
The Best Girlfriend of 2014 Award goes to Sarah Lurito. This 18-year-old woman wrote a love letter to her boyfriend, an inmate. Also included in the letter, was Suboxone (a prescription drug), hidden under the stamp. However, it wasn't that well-hidden, so Sarah found herself becoming an inmate as well.
Source: First Coast News
Man in Handcuffs Jumps Off of Boat
A dude in Florida was hammered and must have thought he was living a real-life Grand Theft Auto game. Arrested on suspicion of "boating under the influence," which sources say is indeed a real thing, the handcuffed suspect threatened to headbutt officers if they came closer. Instead, he just took a dive.
Source: Local 10
Grease-Covered Man Tries to Sneak On JetBlue
JetBlue wasn't thrilled when they found an Orlando man in the wheel well of one of their commercial airliners. Evidently, ex-convict Demetrice Hall had been hiding there for hours in an attempt to get a free ride to Manhattan. He never did end up making it to New York City, but did find himself a nice spot in a Florida prison.
Source: Orlando Sentinel